I find that certain aspects of my life are calling for more attention than others. I have always taken my relationship statuses as the largest indicator of my personal happiness and accomplishments.
After over a year of dealing with the silence of being single, I have let go of that false notion of happiness. The basic act of simply being with someone no longer brings me the personal joy that I am able to offer myself. Moreover I have learned to create my own reservoir of joy and my own personal party that I can bring with my everywhere. Something that no one can now take away from me.
In my previous relationships I was codependent and completely reliant on my partner for my own self-worth. I could not have been more wrong in my approach to happ I was to use that as an excuse to stop working on myself. As if their presence would resolve the burning flames inside of my soul. I plea naivete.
In all of my prior relationships I have always mistake my personal happiness based on the stasis of the relationship. I will tell you to stop that right now if you are finding yourself in such a place.
Once one rough patch was hit, it was a slow cascade back into my own internal battles. Issues that I left poorly managed, if not entirely ignored, for years and years.
I decided to take the time to live in my turmoil. To take it at face value and learn what it was that made me lack luster and confidence. Why do I burn out and stop thinking I am worth the time?
I spoke about this in detail in another post about delving into your own personal pit of fire and extinguishing as much of it as you can while not completely putting it out. Having some flames flickering and burning is extremely important to me. I always want to know that there is something driving me to be better.
But what happens afterwards? What happens when you have put so much focus on emotional self-growth and have almost entirely ignored all other aspects of life. It becomes time to get back to some routine maintenece and also put effort into where you want to be in life.
I have started taking pride in my job. Something I did before, but only because I was proud to simply HAVE a job. Now I know that I have the job I also want to become more involved in my work. To show up and get at least some level of excitement in what I am doing with 35-40 hours a week during my time on this planet.
Using your personal time to find something you enjoy (Like writing a blog!!) I always skateboarded and will always have a strong passion and love for it, but I used it as my only escape. It’s important to start grabbing and trying new hobbies and interests now that you have all of this free time. This week I am going to get back into road biking. Something I loved deeply when I first became aware of environmental impacts of modern transportation. I can’t wait to pick that bike up tomorrow!
Meeting people. There are so many people out there that you could be friends with. Networking is now one of my favorite past times. Even if it’s just to get a glimpse into the life of another person, talking to strangers can be extremely satisfying and non-committal.
Just this past week I was planning on finishing my beer after a few drinks after my shift, and I sat next two a woman and her friend. I just asked how their night was going and it spiraled into a great 3 hour conversation about hiking, ghosts, local bars, road trips, and music that reminds us different places. I sat on one beer talking for 3 hours to a total stranger.
I would have never done that before my breakdowns. I was so focused on what was burning me from the inside that I wouldn’t have had the effort and stamina to talk outwardly for so long while I had an internal scream.
Learn about the area that you live in and what it has to offer in your free time. There is so much more to your little area that you live in than you could possibly find at face value. Little shops you have never been in. Ghost hunts that you didn’t know existed. Restaurants that are begging for your attention. There’s a new hard cider bar I have been meaning to check out. Hell, even I can handle one night a week for an over priced evening!
The point of all this is that you have so much more going for you when you are single than the pictures you find on your instagram. The updates from your happily coupled friends don’t need to affect you at all. You’re awesome and you need to start showing up to your own party. Bring the party with you everywhere!