Counting my blessings for a hard year almost over.

I’m at a point in my life where focusing on the little things is the only way to survive. The big picture is shrinking in on me and I don’t have much room to run away from it’s burning edges. It’s Christmas Eve and I want to take note of the things I am grateful for this year. Especially my liver not failing on me after the tanks of alcohol I had bombarded it with. Here is to the little things that counted this year.

That morning cup of coffee for 365 days in a row.
We all know that coffee is the real champion this year. The only thing that some of us can muster energy to wake up for. Especially when all reasoning and logic tells you that this day will beat you down, there is that cup of coffee that will rub your shoulders and tell you to quit being a B!#%$. Thank you coffee for your sweet aroma and diuretic qualities that I forgive you for.

My best-friends who call me almost everyday.
Where would I be without a these insurmountably important people in my life? They all show me they care about my well being in vastly different ways, but each of them is unique and important in their loving ways. I get a call at about 6:15-6:45 p.m. from my best friend Ryan everyday. Then again at about 1 in the morning when he’s had his last beer to see if I want to play video games or just sit on Skype and talk about anything at all.  Some of those calls are the most healing experience of my entire year.

Then there is his wife who is also my best friend. She will send me thoughtful gifts that are from “The Kuhns.” All three of us know that she finds the perfect gifts and doesn’t take full credit for the perfectly timed and artfully picked presents. I don’t know what I would do and where I would be without them. I love you guys!

The good physical health I have carried through this entire year.
I have no idea how it happened, but I only got ‘sick’ twice this year. It was really just one day of coughing and then 2 days of clearing my throat and they were gone. I was astounded both times. I over-prepared the moment I noticed a change in my body. When I finished my lease I left my apartment I found an arsenal of un-opnend containers of cough drops, theraflu, Robitussin (my favorite part about being sick), and tissues.

Being a ginger does make me pretty prone to getting sick all of the time. Let alone I had chain smoked a large portion of the year while being completely aware that I have crippling asthma and no healthcare. I barely used my inhaler a dozen times. Thank you my body for not giving up this year. Sorry about abusing the ever-loving-hell out of you. You are the best.

The lessons I have accumulated through heartbreak and loss.
At times I think that I would have been just fine not losing my best friend and hopeful life partner. Now I have a whole new vocabulary on my experiences and am more prepared now than I have ever been for communicating with people.

I also did not know that loving someone was a Choice. I thought it was like the movies where you meet the person who will just understand you and you won’t ever not love them. I didn’t know I had to Choose to love everyday. Loving someone with your entire being is knowing that some days you may kind of hate them a little, but most days you love them and you are willing to compromise the hard times because a relationship is work. And their love is unparalleled against anything you have ever experienced.

Love is a very active noun. I would have never known that had I not been going through my own misery and reading hundreds of self-help articles. Thank you Love for breaking me to my knees. I am wiser for it.

Alcohol. How could I leave you out of such a list.
When I wasn’t drinking coffee to get my life together, when I wasn’t being grateful for my health, when I was in the thick of heart-break, you added a different kind of un-wavering support. Without you I would not have met many of the fantastic people I have over the last few years. The nights that seem like sleep will not exist and my mind will not stop, you flooded my mind until I could sleep. You created negativity in me, but you also helped gap through some moments I don’t think I had the strength to endure alone. I know we are a toxic relationship but I have actually gained a lot from you. A fat wallet is not one of them though. I’m glad you were around to take the hits when I couldn’t deal with them personally.

My ever growing family and their endless support.
This last year has proved to be a year that I leaned on my family with large weight and they have carried my high above the white waters. I have become much closer with almost everyone in my family. I am very lucky to have such a large and loving family. Most notably is that I may be in one of the least mind manipulating families on the planet. I have never felt pressured to do, or not do, anything because my family would reject me. All of my careless and ill-advised ventures are supported with resounding efforts. They know that if I fail, it was necessary experience and they love me even more for it. I couldn’t do half of the things that I have done had I not had such a widely successful and diverse family. I love each and every one of you more with each passing day. Thank you so much for your love this year. I hope to share so many more moments with all of you in the New Year!

To conclude, being grateful and kind literally costs nothing at all. To express gratitude towards the people and things you care about only enhances your experience with life. Unless you are grateful for hard drugs, death, and racism, then I think you have got to start talking to someone. Those are not things to be grateful for. Try out coffee and kindness.

I am also deeply grateful for my readers since I have started this. You have kept me going and gave me something to look forward to everyday. I hope you have a Merry Whatever-You-Want and a really awesome New Years!

-Depressive Dusty


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