Welcome to Depressive Dusty…

I would love to welcome you with a heart warming story. That is not what this is all about though, is it? I want to talk about the story of me trying to be a less depressive person, actually. That story is still very active. Technically I am not sure it has even really begun.

I have had a bunch of false start ups on trying to be a happier more ‘Present’ person in this life. At least that’s what a lot of the articles I have been reading say I should be doing.

What I have actually been doing is drinking myself into the pit of my bank account and using borrowed money to buy cigarettes and more alcohol. This sounds too familiar in my patter of life. I did this when I turned 18 and had my first heart break. Although finding the alcohol made everything a little bit more fun, because I needed to make an occasion out of it. Further distracting me from my depression because I had a task to complete. Find someone who is 21, which was typically my best friend at the time. Get together with some more people to throw some sort of 3-30 person party. Become completely distracted for 3 hours. Fall into a drunken pit of self loathing. Chain smoke cigarettes while I am baby sat by whichever wonderful schmuck found me puking in the yard.

Place that same scenario on repeat at least once a year since then. Remember, I said At Least* once a year. I’ve lost great loves and great experiences because of this wonderfully self-deprecating, mutilating, loathing fun tendency of mine.

It’s been nearly 6 years since the glory days when it all began. I am actually still very fond of those times I had. When drinking was actually fun and not an escape from myself. When smoking meant I was deep and I looked really cool. (Mind you, it is very hard for a 5’9 red headed guy to look cool at 18. And even now. I used all resources.)

Maybe I will give this up after 2 weeks of good habits. I’ve done it plenty of times before.

Here is to documenting my success story or a showcase of another typical failure! Cheers. Or wait. Not drinking. Well, not right now anyways.


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