Goodbye 2015…You piece of shit!

I do not think I am alone in saying that 2015 kind of, sort of, really, sucked. We lost some really great people and we never did end up quitting drinking or getting over our emotional problems. I never did end up eating healthy for very long either. After about 2 months I didn’t care…

Depression:The night I decided to live.

It’s another night and I have already drunk drove to buy another 12 pack that I plan on finishing. I bought it after I realized I wasn’t drunk enough to die and not sober enough to live. In my mind there is only one option. Drink more beer. I wish I could tell you what I…

Ideas on sobriety and my future.

It’s not that I can’t do it. That I can’t keep up. It’s realizing how different life will be if I commit to it and stick with it. I’m scared of changing my daily habits. Changing just one of them tears my life in two. Although I don’t like waking up and having to drink…

Personal benefits of being single and alone.

Maybe I have been fighting myself this entire time. Just maybe I am getting the better of both worlds. It’s not the I am getting laid by beautiful woman, or anyone for that matter, but it’s the freedom that seemed insignificant while in love and housed with another person. I never really take the chance…

Counting my blessings for a hard year almost over.

I’m at a point in my life where focusing on the little things is the only way to survive. The big picture is shrinking in on me and I don’t have much room to run away from it’s burning edges. It’s Christmas Eve and I want to take note of the things I am grateful…

An open letter to my 14-year-old self.

Dear Dusty, You will not believe what will happen to you in the next 11 years. Do you remember learning how to play guitar a little? You completely quit and started playing drums! Dude, we even got into a semi-locally recognized punk band. (A failed metal band and… a ska band. Sorry about that one….

A List. 50 Things to be grateful for.

Lists are something that let me procrastinate the idea of actually getting anything done. I know there are people out there who list everything out and methodically approach each day to try and put a slash through each accomplished task. I usually write lists because I know what I need to do, but don’t actually…

The 3 Best Movies To Watch When You’re Lonely

I don’t think I am alone when I say that I binge watch specific movies when I am feeling particularly awful. It can be accompanied by the typical ice cream and pizza binge. Mine is usually just bottles of alcohol. Any size or shape. I don’t judge. They all end up tasting salty anyways partially through the…

On unscathed love and young hope.

I forgot the feeling of young love until I saw two teenagers walking down a suburban road in the ‘cold’ of a North Carolina December. A part of me wanted to scream out from the side of the UPS truck I was sitting in, “It’s all going to fail soon!” I would only be talking…

Is all fair in war and Life?

Wipe the blood from your cheek. Life is winding up to knock you down again. It’s a battle you inevitably can’t and won’t win. When do we decide to give up or fight back? It happens for some people in small bursts. Little set backs in life that make things inconvenient. You lost your car keys, your…

Mothers cookies.

I could sense it from the deepest part of my soul. It was as far back as I can remember. My mom pouring her love over an oven and stirring in pots that I couldn’t reach. The smells that came from that counter top was the most elusive other-worldly creation. It was god finding it’s way to…

Times in California and Selfishness.

A few years ago I was completely addicted to the idea of hitch-hiking. Free travel. I wanted to indulge in my truest conception of freedom. I wanted to do it with someone else who had experience and power. I had neither at the time and still question myself if I have any real experience or power…